Big and Beastly Berserker Swords

I couldn’t think of any grand writing tips, fun stories or spiritual thoughts today, so I’m going to appeal to fantasy geekiness. Please accept this epic blog as my epic apology.

We’re talking about the biggest swords ever used in combat, starting from largest to smallest.

5. Claymore

A good claymore is typically somewhere around 4.5-5 feet long. These are the great two-handed swords of legend, one of them well know for being used by William Wallace. They were often used to settle disputes in single combat. These were so epic that they were passed down from generation to generation. That’s pretty epic.

4. Zweihänder / Great Sword

If your sword is so awesome that it’s working title is “great sword”, it’s probably a great sword. And if it’s known as one of the greatest great swords, then this sword is just incredible. The Zweihänder measured anywhere from 4.6 ft to 6 ft long. And they were used to cut off the heads off of pikes. So there’s that.

3. Odachi

The odachi is the only Eastern sword on this list. Big swords were mostly a European thing, to be honest. These katana-like swords were typically 5-6 ft long and were so deadly that they were banned from combat after a while. But whether they’re legal in combat or not, they’re still dang awesome swords.

2. William Wallace’s Sword

Having Scottish blood in me, I cannot help but place this on the list. It is only above odachi because there are odachi blades that are smaller than this sword. It measures 5’4″ (163 cm) in total, with a 4’4″ (132 cm) blade. You have to be one big man to cary around a sword that big. (Unless you’re Zenti from the saga I’m currently writing. Then you can be 4’10”, or 147 cm, and still carry around a massive blade about 7 cm bigger than his. But that’s a story for another time.) In the end, this is just a beast sword. Just pray its end never goes in you.

The Sword of Pier Gerlofs Diona

This is by far the greatest sword in history, so much so that it puts Sephiroth from the video game Final Fantasy VII to shame. This man who wielded it was about seven feet tall, and so it would make sense that he would have a large sword. But you still have to be one berserker of a man to carry a 213 cm long sword. For you Americans, that’s SIX FOOT NINE INCHES. And yes, he used it in war. Constantly. For a slightly gruesome fact, it was able to take out several men in one shot. So, kudos to you, Pier Gerlofs Diona. That’s some talent right there.

There’s the end of my rant on big swords. Hopefully, I can come up with some better content soon.

Be Proud of Your Heritage!

I think that most white Americans tend to naturally think of an immigrant as someone who either speaks a different language than them or has a different color. But that, alas, is not the case! My mother, in fact, only recently got her American citizenship after living in Canada all of her life up until age 23, and her family, only recently before coming to Canada (my great-grandparents being the first to come over) were Highland Scottish! To this day, my auntie still remembers an old Scottish saying, which some might recognize:
“Here’s tae us; wha’s like us? D*** few, and they’re a’ deid!”

Describes our family excellently.

So of course, I am quite fond of my Scottish (and Canadian) family heritage! I would be just as proud of my German side (my father’s family) if I knew them better. I like to think that I am connected to William Wallace somewhere in there, but it’s probably not the case. I do know, however, someone who is, and we happen to get along quite nicely.

A fun little family story for you. It turns out that the English and Scottish side of the MacKenzie clan just do not get along. My aunt never quite got around to explaining it, but from what I’m reading on Wiki (which may not be the best source of info) it is implied that after being an english POW during a dark age war, one of my ancestors joined the English side and the family tree has not been the same since. Fun story, but those sorts of things don’t go over well for families.

Still, I personally have nothing against the English. English people made Doctor Who and Sherlock, so clearly they’re pretty awesome too. In fact, my first girlfriend was English and she was totally awesome.

In further fact, although being part Scottish, I do not follow the stereotypical tendencies of my people to hate every other country. I still love my German side, even though Hitler came from there. I still love Ireland, mainly because I don’t know anything terrible that happened in Ireland but even if they have it doesn’t matter. Why? Because regardless of what a country has done in the past, their future self as a country is not responsible. They are different people. This same concept works with relationships. Perhaps if we saw that more often, this world would be a lot less chaotic.

In closing, I always put something from my novel, so here’s something slightly related. This sword’s design is loosely based off of a Scottish claymore, and so I give you: the Leviathan Killer.

Leviathan Killer Stats
Total Length: 65 in
Blade Length: 50 in
Description: Golden-scaled hilt with red gem in pommel and dragon claws as cross-guards. Triangular blade.
Abilities: Legend has it that it is the only sword capable of killing a leviathan, a massive sea monster unable to be found by being searched for.
Crafter: World’s first dragonslayer